Tuesday, February 16, 2010

It's gonna be Ok (perhaps even better!)

I've been doing all this reading, listening and learning about brain function, and how attachment (to parents/primary caregivers) really affects how we make sense of our world, and interact with others. I won't go into the details here (though I'll share the resources in a moment), but instead share what has really been most alive for me since I was driving home last night:

Kaya is going to be OK.

Despite all of my fears and doubts surrounding this relationship that I am developing with her in a language other than "my own", our attachment has already, in this past year, been solidified. Granted, I haven't done the official clinical tests, but from what I can tell of my own observations, and from the input that others have given me, Kaya is"securely attached". As opposed to "avoidant" or "disorganized" or "anxious" attachment, Kaya demonstrates contingency with not only me, and not only with Geoff, but many other important people in her life. Research has proven that, if a child is securely attached to the primary caregiver, then socially, emotionally, and cognitively, they will be "ok" (that's my VERY loose interpretation of Daniel Siegel's information that he shares is "The Neurobiology of WE," which Geoff and I have been listening to on CD).

So, the language connection, if you haven't already made it?

So what if I (or you, or anyone for that matter) speak this language to my child. So what if I didn't grow up with it. So what if I get afraid that I might not know some words here and there. So what if I wonder how our relationship will look in 5 years in this language (or in English?). The reality is, we have been successful in creating a secure attachment (with MANY caregivers!), and THAT, according to the research, is what really matters.

She will be OK.

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