The Preschool Quandary: Trilingual or Trees?

Once again, I'm feeling inspired after my run in the park. Tryon is so beautiful, especially on bright mornings like this one, sun shining through the trees, brightening the buds bursting from the trees. It's definitely that time of year, where new life begins to emerge, where new questions arise, where we begin to look to the future, wondering what life will look like down the road a bit.

For us, and for many of you out there, too, the end of winter earmarks a time for school decisions. Will we stay here? Will we start afresh? What will be best for my child and for us as a family?

I definitely have all of these questions, and then some, racing through my head lately--and being on my run this morning, in the amazingly beautiful park where I could continue to have my child go to school 4 days a week, provided no reprieve from the chatter. Somehow, though, the intensity of the thoughts felt more calming out there. That should be my answer right there, really...

When I think back to last year, to a similar time of school decisions, I find it kind of comical that I'm sitting in this place again, wondering, after having finally settled last year. I think this is why some of my German friends, raised in the GDR, preferred some of the simplicities that Communism offered--with so many choices, it really can be overwhelming at times. This is not to say, dear universe, that I'm wishing for my choices to be taken away. I know that there are many out there with no choices, and I am incredibly grateful for what I do get to choose. I'm just acknowledging the overwhelm I feel at times. It's important to recognize it so I can move beyond it to a choice.

So anyway, in just a few days, the Mother Earth School wants us to sign our contracts if we want to return for next year. And similar to last year, I've recently heard about another preschool that is closer to our house, Wildwood Nature School, which has me wondering about the 'better' choice. It has Spanish, this new school, AND a focus on nature. The assistant teacher speaks 90% Spanish with the kids, which could mean up to 15 hours a week of 3rd language input for Kaya. Not enough for her to start speaking it anytime soon, but over time, certainly enough time for passive bilingualism.

As a trilingual German, Spanish and English speaker, this is certainly exciting, this prospect. Starting her with Spanish at around the age of 5 was something we've continued to consider, esp. since the 3rd language starts at that age (and goes until 6ish). This could be our opening. This could be our time to really sink our teeth into this opportunity and pave the path for a trilingual future for our daughter. With the added bonus that she'd get outdoor time, too...

My husband often talks about the 'gray areas', reminding me that something may not be as black and white as I tend to think it is. Even now, my auto pilot is wanting to assess whether he's 'right' (and thus, I'm 'wrong')--which school will be 'better'. Will she be outside 'enough'? Is consistency that important? What is the power of place-based education that can't be measured? If we don't jump on this Spanish opportunity in this 3rd language window, is the door closed? Of course not, even I know that. But what is it about this fear of mine that keeps arising? What is it about being a parent that has us only wanting the best for our children, wanting to open doors for their lives, wanting happiness for them, and ease of life?

Instinct, I suppose.
It's damn strong.

When I first sat down to write, I actually felt pretty strongly, almost clear, in fact, that Mother Earth is where I want Kaya next year. In the car on the way to school this morning, she says to me, in that sweet little Kaya voice, "Mama, kann ich bei meiner Schule bleiben?" [Mama, can I stay at my school?] After clarifying that I understood her correctly, I was dying to shout out, Of course you can, my love, of course! I want to give you everything you want, I want only the best for you, I want you to be happy. Of course you can stay there, if that's what you want!! What is it about this analytical mind that seeks the answers, seeks to find what will, in fact make her happy and healthy, and support our family in what is most important (and affordable) to us? We act like we know, at least I do, like if just analyze enough, if I gather enough information, I'll figure it out, I'll know the answer and can make my choices from there.

Macleay Trail in Forest Park on our hike with Arletta yesterday

As I get older, though, or perhaps just better able to go inward while simultaneously feeling more connected with my surroundings, I find that it's actually not all about gathering info or analyzing. While I was running this morning, I felt clear that I wanted Kaya to continue to be immersed in nature 4 days a week. I ran past two school groups in the park, groups that go out into nature perhaps once a week (if that), and felt grateful that Kaya is out there 11 hours a week, really experiencing the forest, the garden, the spring, even the cold winter (from her warm woolens and rain gear!). But I feel this fear of declaration, like I do when I know I need to eat less sugar, but don't want others to see my weakness when I cave. It's like the pregnancy thing, too...this theme keeps arising: I want both, really, sometimes more in some moments than others. Sometimes, I want her to be at a school that is closer to our house, one that can open the Spanish door earlier than if we start her in Waldorf in 1st grade. Sometimes, I'm shocked that I would want anything other than what we have right now, which is working wonderfully, beautifully, creating a child who teaches her cousin (as she did with Arletta in Forest Park yesterday) about buds, about how you have to be careful with them, touching them gently instead of breaking them off the tree.

On Friday night, as I was researching Waldorf education, I grew teary-eyed. Line after line, clip after clip, I realized with my whole soul that Waldorf is the direction I want for Kaya.  Why then, do I even consider pulling her out of this Waldorf inspired, forest-farm, outdoor immersion program that we love?!

Because of the drive? Because of the Spanish? Because of the money?

Oh, dear mind of mine, go back outside, into the woods and find your answer.
It is there, in your heart and in those buds.

You know it is.
You just need to believe...

And it feels damn good!

Kaya & Gabriel, in front of the Ronald McDonald House in Seattle

As I was running through the beautiful Tryon Creek State Park this morning, sun shining through the trees with a magical glow on the moss-lined trunks, it hit me (as I ran past the mama with her toddler in the owl hat!) that our once-baby is now a kid. I think it became official yesterday when she used the word "totally" for the first time ever--something about little ones using such slang makes them seem so much older. Geoff had just gotten home from work and she was incredibly excited to show him her tricks on the pull-up bar. No, no, don't worry...I'm not about to tell you that she can "totally do a pull-up" (though that would be totally epic)...but the scene was nearly as impressive with the amount of energy she was emanating and the words that were falling from her lips. "I can todawy weach it, Dada!" she shouted, excitedly, realizing she no longer needs a stool. I couldn't help but smile. My kid just said "totawy", and she's barely 4. (It made her seem even older when she started calling him "Dad" later that night, asking him, "Are you gonna stay in bed all night, Dad? Get up and play with me!")

There have been a number of moments over the past month, in fact, that have had me sitting back in smiles--and I finally made the efforts to record them on my phone so they'd be ready for this moment, right now, when I'm finally ready to share them with you, my wonderful little blogging community.

About 3 weeks ago, as we were driving in the car on the way to Geoff's office, she asked me, out the blue, "Werde ich immer Deutsch sprechen?" [Will I always speak German?] I couldn't believe she was thinking in such a manner, wondering so philosophically whether, in her future, she'd always speak this non-community language. Granted, it's possible that she wonders the same thing about English, but somehow, I doubt that: she's very clear at this point, that German is somewhat of an anomaly for her, for us, in our many communities of English speakers.
For me, the even-better part of our conversation came after my simple response to her. I let her know that I hoped she would, and then asked her, despite my slight fear of hearing the opposite, whether she wanted to always speak German in her life. Her response, in part just the tone of it, left me reeling in smiles. "Ja!"

Kaya is also showing a decent amount of curiosity around German grammar, too. Granted, it may not be sourced from that part of her brain, but as a language teacher, it makes me quite happy to hear her wonder about the difference between 'du' and 'dich' and why we use one over the other. This happened at the table, as we were eating lunch, on the same day that she expressed her excitement about always speaking German. Though the exact context escapes me, at one point she said, "Ich und dich," [I and you (the object pronoun instead of the subject pronoun)], to which I responded, inquisitively, "Ich und du?" This clearly triggered her curiosity (much preferred to her frustration, which has happened at times, too), as she then asked me, "Warum sagen wir du und nicht dich?" [Why do we say 'you' (subject pronoun) and not you (object pronoun)?]

On a similar grammar note, I have to share how impressed I was that, at times, she is using the proper case for her pronouns (one of the biggest challenges in German is knowing which case to use when, not to mention which pronouns belong to which case). Granted, this isn't a memorization, I realize, nor really a learning thing...it's mostly just a matter of her knowing from the inside out, which is right, because it sounds right. So, in some ways, this triumph is a little skip-hop celebration that my grammar has been proper enough for her to hear me and learn. We were leaving our friends' house after a play date, talking about how much fun we had had playing with Marek and Heather. "Du hast nicht gepielt," [You didn't play,] she made sure to point out. "Du hast gesprochen." [You talked.] She paused momentarily, and then continued to point out her observation. "Du hast zu Marek und mir gesprochen." [You talked to Marek and me.] As I type this, I can actually almost hear my sister squeal, for this error is one that she loves to correct in English, especially of me, because I've made it plenty. It's so tempting to use 'I' in that context, "you talked to Marek and I", when in fact, 'I' is the object of the preposition, so it needs to be in the dative case: me. And in German: mir. I'm sure that my sister, and even my Dad, will be so happy to hear that Kaya's German is accurate enough (in this case!) to hold her own.

Kaya is becoming more exact in her general usage of German, as well. She's asking more often how to say particular words as opposed to just throwing in an English substitute--a huge difference over our Christmas time spike in code-switching. This morning at breakfast, for example, she asked me, "Heisst 'waste' verschwenden?" [Does 'waste' mean 'verschwenden'?] We had just had a conversation about not wasting food, about the importance of putting in your bowl just the amount that you think you can eat, so as not to waste it. About 5 minutes later, she came up with that question. And on the same day as our play date with Marek, she corrected me on my usage of 'bunnies' over 'Hasen'. Referring to the snack that she got to eat at his house, I asked her if she liked the "Chocolate Chip Bunnies", to which she immediately said, "ja" and after a few minutes, let me know quite matter of fact that it's "chocolate chip Hasen, nicht Chocolate Chip Bunnies, Mama. Sie heissen Hasen auf Deutsch." [Chocolate chip Hasen, not Chocolate Chip Bunnies, Mama. They are called Hasen in German.]  Later that day, she began to wonder about the other kind of Bunnies, asking me, "Was heisst 'Cheddow' auf Deutsch?" [What's cheddar called in German?] I told her that cheddar is a type of cheese, but that I don't know exactly what it's called in German, to which she clearly let me know that, "Du musst Cheddar Hasen sagen, Mama, nicht Cheddar Bunnies." [You have to say Cheddar Hasen, mama, not Cheddar Bunnies.]

And to wrap up our story telling for the day, I'll share this last little anecdote that speaks further to Kaya's recent passion and curiosity surrounding the nuance and accuracy of language usage. We were, once again, in the car (maybe it's time to start taking the bus more!!?), after a late night sleepover with her cousin, Arletta. Kaya sneezed, to which I automatically said, "Bless you!" I knew it was Kaya, and I must have been deep in my own thoughts, for I normally would have said, "Gesundheit". Kaya caught my slip, of course, and with a big smile on her face, announced, "Das war mich, Mama!...Du hast das in English gesagt." [That was me (object pronoun instead of subject pronoun), mama!...You said that in English." 


Reflecting on all this positivity, all this excitement and passion in our recent past, has me quite happy, I have to say. Despite the various errors we both tend to make; the struggles in those moments where I'd much rather just yell or go off in English when I think I might lose it; or those words that i hate saying because I can hear the brutal american 'r' of my non-native accent...we've done it. No matter what happens from here, no matter how many more mountains we summit and valleys we fall into it, we made it through some major resistance, to the point that, this is OUR language. This is her mother tongue, the is the language in which she connects with her mama--and me with her--and mistakes and struggles aside, we're doing it.

And it feels damn good!

Four, and Still Fluent...(whoohooooo!)

Kaya hitching a ride at her 4th Birthday Party, Jan.22

I'm writing this post merely to break my streak of silence. For about a week, about 3 weeks ago, I was on fire with topics to address, most of them having everything to do with the amazing sentences flowing out of Kaya's mouth. And for some reason, I'm not exactly sure why, I didn't take the time to sit down a share them. And now, when I'm feeling inspired to write again (mostly because I just looked at the page-views of my site and can't beLIEVE how many visitors I had last month--738!!), I can think not only of none of those topics (how's that for a double negative?!), but can't even recall the specifics of her cute Kaya-ism that she shared this morning on our way to school. Something along the lines of, "Gampa kann 'nein' sagen in Deutsch!...und Gams kann 'Auto Essen' sagen...!" [Grampa can say 'nein' (no) in German, and Gramms can say, "Car Food".] All of this said with this HUGE grin on her face, and this cute, high tone in her voice, like one of silly disbelief and simultaneous matter-of-fact. And I'm getting this visual of her arms out, palms up, twisting wrist, as she tends to do when she's sharing something with us that is very interesting to her. So cute, I gotta get it on video.

Alternative Cakeless Candle Ceremony...

And to these few details I'll add: I love 4. I've always loved the even-ness of the number, the cool shape of the numeral, even the sound of the word, but what I didn't know in my past is how much I'd would truly enjoy the snuggle time, the love that she has for mama, the giggles, the endless curiosity ("Warum haben manche Maenner Haare?" [Why do some men have hair?]--our Geoff is bald), and her amazing ability and tendency to switch back and forth between her two languages, as if that's just the way life is (because it is). With four comes a massive decrease in tantrums, at least in intensity and length, and this wondrous ability to reason. It's really so very wonderful. It's crazy how we saw this huge shift right about the time of her birthday (Jan.22). One would think these phases would happen gradually, and surely for some they do, but our experience has been one of "all of a sudden"s--wham. bam. different kid. 

As a snapshot, she continues to love her school experience, an outdoor immersion forest farm preschool, and will now run through the forest after school as opposed to kerplunking herself at my feet, crying. Her favorite day continues to be "Millet Tag" [Millet Day], as she loves to go to Gramms and Grampas to spend the night on Wednesdays (she'll often tell me on Wed. mornings, "Ich werde dich vermissen, wenn ich bei Gamms un Gampa bin. Aber ich habe sie auch lieb." [I'll miss you when I am at Gramms and Grampa's. But I love them, too. ] She is now willingly speaking German with Estella again (her 16 year old host sister from Germany), and shows no signs of resistance (speaking German) with me. At times, she'll throw in an English word when she can't think of the German--like the other day, after school, as she was attempting to explain the process of candle making and didn't have the words for 'wax', 'holes', or 'leaves' (it seemed more like a context thing, however, because she does know the word for leaves, and holes, actually).

My eyes are getting dry. It's late enough to end this.
So, my dear friends all over the world--I noticed 3 of you from Egypt this week!!, not to mention, all of you readers in Mexico (15), Germany (9), China(8), Sweden (7), Russia (5), Taiwan (5), Spain (4), and Poland (4), and 32 more from our lil' old US of A. Thank you, everyone. I do love this community, and am happy to have 'broken the spell'.

Sleep well!
Schlaft gut!
Que duermen bien!

~Tamara

A Blog Award?!

The other day, as I was reading my comments for one of my posts, I came across a wonderful delight: another blogger had nominated my blog for an award!! It's hard to express my excitement without a volume button or a video, but suffice it to say, I'm honored, excited, and overjoyed at the idea that someone out there likes my blog enough to nominate me!! I can imagine that anyone who gets nominated for an award, esp. one that touches so close to home, is honored and excited...but I have to say, I think the fact that this award has GERMAN roots makes it THAT MUCH MORE exciting for me. So...whohooooo!

Granted, I don't really know the roots for this award...I did enough research to know that others, before me, had done enough research to know that the roots have been impossible to find. BUT...with a name like Liebster--literally translated to 'Dear', with 'lieb' at its root, meaning 'love')--I have to admit, I think I might be a wee bit more excited than the average nominee for this award. No offense out there, fellow Liebster award nominees. In no way do I mean to imply that your honor and excitement and similar feelings of joy falter in comparison to mine. Simply attempting to express how really meaningful this award is to me!

Any quality acceptance speech comes with an array of thank-yous at the beginning, right? Thus, I must first thank the generous Multilingual Mama, of the blog with the same name. She's the one who so lovingly nominated me this week, after being nominated herself for the same award. If I could, I'd nominate her in return--she's hilarious, writes with style, and seems to be on my same page--but that's against the rules (see below), so I'll leave it at a HUGE thanks!

I'd also like to thank whoever came up with this awesome award--German or otherwise.  I think it's ingenious, similar in nature to the Blogging Carnival on Bilingualism--a way to spread the love and community in the blogging world. As small as this world can sometimes feel, esp. with the advent of technology, it can feel all too large and lonely when things get hard. Blogging, at least for me, has been a way to feel more connected to and supported by those who care.

And, of course, a huge thank you to Kaya, for providing so much fodder for thought and frustration; to Geoff, for all those late nights when I swore I'd be in bed in 5 minutes; to the other Statons, for allowing me multiple moments, hours, and even days to be human, and have time to write; and to the rest of my family, and fellow bloggers and readers, for being so supportive in all the ways you have. Seriously--without you, I'd have given up LONG ago.

So, without further ado ('cuz I've created enough already!)...on to the meat of this lovely Liebster Blog Award.

 THE RULES: 

• When you receive the award, you post 11 random facts about yourself.
• Answer 11 questions from the person who nominated you. 
• Pass the award on to 11 other blogs, making sure you tell them you nominated them and
• Ask them 11 questions.
• You are not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated you!
• Make sure the blogs you chose have 200 or FEWER followers

And if it were my award, I would add the following: 

• Share your posting with the blogger who nominated you so that they, too, can learn all this cool stuff about you!

So, here we go with 11 Random Facts: 
1. I think coming up with 11 Random Facts is really hard. I'm scanning my office as I sit here, to come up with ideas, and none of them seem random enough. Sometimes, my perfectionism gets the best of me...

2. I LOVE the smell of wet pavement. You'd think that, as much of as sustainability freak as I am, I'd hate pavement, wet or dry. Maybe that's the real reason that I live in Oregon...

3. I also love eggnog. It's thick and yummy, just like store-bought chocolate milk. The idea of it is kinda gross, though. Drinking. Eggs.

4. I sucked my thumb until I was 12. And used to 'pick fuzzies' off my blankets to the point where they'd all have light spots if you held them up to the light. I'd then hold the fuzzy in the crook of my pointer finger, and rub it on the bridge of my nose.

5. If it were up to me, I'd give a lot of thought to making computers and other such electronics obsolete. The idea of going back to life the way they lived it on Little House on the Prairie is pretty inviting to me.

6. I have this habit of making a cup of tea and then not drinking it. Fortunately, Good Earth tea is my favorite, and seems to be the only tea I drink lately--it tastes just as good cold as it does hot.

7. Most of the boys I liked while growing up had names that started with J: Jeff (my first official boyfriend), Josh, Jared, and Justin. To stick with the theme, but to mix it up a bit, I married Geoff.

8. I don't like gold jewelry. I think silver looks a lot more classy and down to earth.

9. I think Citizens Climate Lobby has successfully educated me and changed my opinion on politics in America--a pretty big feat from someone who initially didn't understand the voting system in her own country (embarrassingly enough, esp. as a teacher!).

10. I've finally accepted the fact that it might be many years before I ultimately settle on how many children I really want...

11. I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but I was surprised how I immediately thought of ham as I was petting the nose of a pig from the Deck Family Farm where we get our meat...

And for the 11 questions posed to me...
1. What are you reading now?
I have this crazy habit of starting a book and not finishing it before I start another. Thus, my list is long. Here are the ones that I'm most excited about now--those that often make it into my bag as I'm leaving for the day:
-Radical Acceptance
-Parenting Without Power Struggles
-Portland: An Urban Eco Guide
-Eat, Pray, Love
-Slow Parenting
-The Spiritual Dimensions of the Enneagram
-Enneagram for the Spirit

2. Where would you live and why? 
The first place that comes to mind is Colorado, though the crazy thing is, I've never even been there. From the photos I've seen, however, and the reports that I've heard from Coloradans (wow, that's a word?!), it seems like a place I've love to be: mountains, rivers, snow, sun, and a multitude of communities that appreciate that outdoor life as much as we do.

I also dream of living in Bend, Oregon, and if our family could be closer, I'd consider moving there tomorrow--as it is, it may have to wait until retirement. Big sky, high desert, sage, juniper, sun, snow, and once again, a love of the outdoors.

I also have to give a rip-roarin' woot to Portland, where we now live. About 14 years ago, I was trying to pick between settling in one of 3 places: Portland (Oregon), Madison (Wisconsin), and Munich (Germany). Having lived in all three, and loving them all, it was a toss up. 
Madison lost because of the bugs in the summer and the length of the winter. 
Munich lost because, try as I might, I never quite felt at home there. 
And Portland won, and continues to win, because it's green, and beautiful, and full of a culture that not only appreciates nature but the lifestyle that goes along with it. The mountain is close, the ocean as well, and the Columbia Gorge has just as much beauty as I've seen across the world in faraway places.

3. What is one piece of advice you would give your teenage self if you could?
"Dad is doing his best with the tools he currently has. He only wants the best for you, even if it doesn't ever seem like it. When he says things that seem mean, he only wants the best for you, and is really just afraid of f^!#ing up. Love him, show him love, and things may go much more smoothly. Oh, and check out Landmark Education--could be helpful, too."

4. Pirate or Ninja?
Ninja. Black is cool. So is being stealthy and quick.

5. What gives you goosebumps?

Feeling connection with others. 

And being in the Unitarian church while 700+ people hold lit candles on Christmas Eve.

6. What are you most proud of? 

The fact that I'm answering this question without worrying excessively about how it will make me look if I talk about myself to others about something that I've done well. And that said, I'm still not really sure that I even answered the question. Thus, to push myself further through my hesitation, I'm proud (and relieved) that I'm finally slowing down, that 'doing' is becoming less important to me than 'being'. At the same time, I'm proud of all that I can accomplish when I'm committed.

7. What is the most beautiful song you've ever heard?

Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen

8. What makes your hackles rise?

Feeling helpless and misunderstood.

9. What is the thing you wish you could have said but didn't?

I forgive you, Mom. I know you did your best with what you had. And I felt your love, through it all.

10. Who do you admire most?

My mom. Through all the pain and suffering she experienced, between anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and IBS, only to be topped off with 9 years of non-hodgkins lymphoma with no treatment, she never faltered to give us the best she could--and then some. She and Ghandi are both up there, as far as I'm concerned. 

11. If you could be reincarnated and choose any talent or career, what would it be?

Innate forgiveness and unconditional love for all beings. 

Thank you, once again, Multilingual Mama, for this nomination, as well as those thought-provoking questions. I enjoyed the process of answering them, and hope they might do their part to deepen community and connection. 

And now it is officially time to pass this award along to other deserving nominees!

THE 11 BLOGGERS (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER), I WOULD LIKE TO NOMINATE AND TO INVITE TO TAKE PART IN THIS AWARD ARE:

• http://non-nativebilingualadventure.blogspot.com/

Nicola was a huge support during many moments where I wanted to give up. Hers is the closest thing to a sister-blog that I can imagine--and not just because of the name!

• http://germanintheafternoon.wordpress.com/

Like Nicola, Kate has 'been there', in comment after comment, seemingly enjoying our process from afar, and sharing similar experiences with her son.

• http://babybilingual.blogspot.com/

Sarah was perhaps the first blog that I found in my search for others out there doing the same thing. Her blog is a WEALTH of information, with more resources and blog lists than you can ever imagine!

• http://notsospanish.wordpress.com/

One of those blogs that leaves me nearly doubled over in laughter. A Canuck raising her kids bilingually in Spain.

• http://mummydothat.blogspot.com/

As someone with a pretty decent puke anxiety, I can actually say that I wanted to keep reading her post about the nasty bug that her kids caught--impressive writing style and intriguing topics (well, mostly!). =)

• http://livinginthelandofchocolate.blogspot.com/

Who wouldn't nominate a blog of this name? Not only beautiful photos of her life in Switzerland, but content that has me want to keep reading and exploring...

• http://spaghetti-o.blogspot.com/

"French-American living in Lille,raising a Franco-American family, cooking and fighting against excessive dog excrement." 'Nuff said. 

• http://zweisprachig.blog.de/

An all-German blog by a woman in Germany, raising her son bilingually in her non-native language of English. I've enjoyed connecting with her from afar, and getting language support from time to time, too.

• http://www.thepiripirilexicon.com/

Once called Gato and Canard, this blog, too, is German in nature, with a splash of other cultures and languages. I love her layout, and her dry sense of humor!

• http://applesandmanzanas.blogspot.com/

Just recently stumbled upon this blog from Sarah's bloglist, but I really appreciate his passion for language, and his description of the nuances that he observes as his little guy becomes fluent in both Spanish and English.

• http://www.cheladavison.com/home

And last, but certainly not least, a blog having nothing to do with language acquisition whatsoever. A fellow Integral Coach with a blog and business that leave me aspiring. Thank you, Chela, for your support, as I begin this Integral process.

From my Liebster Blog Award Recipients, I'd love to know: 

1. What are you most afraid of?
2. What promise do you see for the world?
3. What excites you about life?
4. What are you experiencing in your body, right now?
5. When was the last time you felt overwhelming love for someone or something?
6. If you could sit next to anyone on a plane for 10 hours, who would it be?
7. If you were to make one change in your life tomorrow, what would it be?
8. What would your life look like if you had no regrets?
9. Would you live your life differently if you were your own best friend?
10. Dress or jeans?
11. What's the best gift you've ever received?

And there we have it: possibly the 1st Liebster Blog Award acceptance and nomination process for 2013!
Congratulations, to all recipients, past and future!
I look forward to reading your 'acceptance speeches'!

xo
Tamara

Dissension in the Rank(s)

I feel old. We went to bed at 2am last night, after a nice, relaxing evening of enchiladas and Cranium, and I can barely keep my eyes open right now, at just past 10:15pm. 

So, once again, I'll keep this short. But the words that were flying around our house tonight, and the sentiments that I felt in response...I think they're worth sharing. 

I was lying on my bed, half asleep from a mid-afternoon nap (see, I am old!), when I heard Kaya tell Geoff, "I don't wanna seak German with Estella at home. I only wanna seak Engrish with her!"

Part of me so wanted to go back to sleep and bury my head in the pillow. The other part won out, however, and was a bit dejected when it couldn't catch anything else. Naturally, I had to bring it up at dinner again to dive a bit deeper.

"Ich habe gehoert, du willst nicht mit Estella auf Deutsch sprechen?" [I heard you don't want to speak with Estella in German?] I asked her, well aware of the answer I was going to receive. 

"Ja. Ich will nicht mit ihr Deutsch sechen. Ich will nur Engrish mit ihr sechen." [Yeah, I don't want to speak German with her. I only want to speak English with her.]

For those just catching us in this story, Estella is our 16-year-old German host daughter who's been with us since the beginning of September. Wanting opportunity for both Estella and Kaya (and myself, possibly, down the road), we created an arrangement where the two of them communicated in German at home, and in English everywhere else. 

Quite curious, I probed a bit more. "Ist Englisch leichter fuer dich?" [Is English easier for you?]

"Nein," she said, a bit to my surprise. 

"Magst du nicht Deutsch sprechen?" I asked, despite my fear of the response I was going to get in return. 

"Ja. Ich mag Engrisch besser." [Yeah. I like English better.] My heart sank, and admittedly, I fought back the tears enough to keep them from rolling down my face. Four years of busting ass to communicate in this non-native language of mine, so that she could be fluent and bilingual, and now she doesn't like it. Ugh. Fortunately, for my emotional state, the conversation turned a bit, and it began to appear that she was referring to the languages in the context of speaking them with Estella. "Ich will Deutsch nur mit du sprechen, Mama. Warum muss ich mit ihr Deutsch sprechen?" [I only want to speak German with you, Mama. Why do I have to speak German with her?]

Feeling a little more hopeful, and even connected to Kaya, I asked her if she wanted to be able to speak to me about complicated, meaningful stuff. "Ja," she replied, sounding curious as to where this was headed. "Wenn du mit Estella auf Deutsch sprichst, dann wirst du mit mir leichter und besser sprechen koennen, damit wir ueber alles sprechen koennen." [If you speak German with Estella, then it will be easier for you to speak German with me so that we can speak about all sorts of stuff.] That seemed to do it, for as I rounded up for a furthering of my explanation, she was off and running with an inquiry about the sticker residue on her chair. 

So, despite the little emotional kiddie-coaster, in the end I feel better again. What I told her seemed to make a difference, and despite the sentiments, for both of us, I know that my efforts are making a difference. 

Happy New Year, y'all, and Guten Rutsch ins Neujahr!

Budding Trilingual?

As we were driving home along Skyline last night, on the way home from a little gathering, Kaya and I were having one of those conversations that you never want to end. She was being so curious, so clear in her articulations, and so patient in her listening. The topic had me quite excited, too. The easiest way to share this with you is to give you a few 'visual sound bytes' and let you experience the excitement as I did:

Kaya: Mama, wie sagen wir meer in Spanish? [Mama, how do we say meer in Spanish?]
Me: Wie? Ist das ein Englishes Wort oder ein Deutsches? [What? Is that an English word or a German one?]
Kaya: Englisch.
Me: Wie sagen wir...oh, mirror. Ja, sicher. Du willst wissen, wie man Mirror auf Spanisch sagt? [How do we say...oh, mirror. Yeah, of course. You want to know how you say Mirror in Spanish?]
Kaya: Ja.

I found it very interesting that she asked me for the translation from English to Spanish, as opposed to German to Spanish, so I decided to probe a bit to learn more:

Me: Weisst du, was mirror auf Deutsch heisst? [Do you know how to say mirror in German?]
Kaya: Nein. [No.]
Me: Spiegel.
Kaya: Oh ja. Siegel.Wie sagen wir Siegel in Spanish (eng pronunciation). [Oh, right. Siegel. (notice the missing the -p-). How do we say Spiegel in Spanish?]
Me: Espejo. Kannst du das sagen? [Espejo. Can you say that?]
Kaya: Essay-ho.
Me: Ja, genau. Espejo. [Yeah, exactly. Espejo.]
Kaya: Wie sagen wir 'box' in Spanish? [How do we say 'box' in Spanish?]
Me: Wie sagt man box auf Spanisch? [How do you say box in Spanish?] (I was repeating back to her the grammatical corrections for her German question...)
Kaya: Ja.
Me: Wie sagt man box auf Deutsch?  [How do you say box in German?]
Kaya: Schachtel. [Schachtel]
Me: Ja, genau. oder Karton. Man sagt Caja zu Karton oder Schachtel. Willst du noch 'was wissen? Ich mag dieses Spiel! [Yes, exactly. Or Karton. People say Caja for Karton or Schachtel. Do you want to know anything else? I like this game!]
Kaya: Ja. Wie sagt man Triangle auf Spanish. [Yeah. How do you say Triangle (eng. word) in Spanish?]
Me: Wie sagt man Dreieck auf Spanisch? [How do you say Dreieck in Spanish?]
Kaya: ja.
Me: Triangulo. [Triangle.]

Even more curious about the origins of her line of questioning, I shared with her how interesting I found it that she was asking me to translate all of these words from English instead of from German. I'm curious, I told her, where her interest in Spanish had come from. She paused long enough for me to think she hadn't understood the question, and then responded with, "Aaron and Zach,." They are her little friends whom we just visited in Arizona. Zach is learning some Spanish in his preschool, and as she told me this, I recalled one evening at dinner when his dad was asking him all sorts of translations from English to Spanish. I also remember them playing with the garbage trucks (their FAVorite activity), doing a bit of the 'how do you say' game.

So, I naturally can't be sure whether she asked me to translate from English (vs. German) into Spanish because she didn't know the words in German--that's what she told me to be the reason. But 2 of 3 words that she asked me are words that she's known in the past, and has used before. I'm sure there's some fancy way to explain the reason that she did what she did--perhaps owing to 1 or 2 of the 5 lanes of memory as explained by Marilee Sprenger. But in my 'no longer in grad school but still very curious' explanation, I think that because she was hearing those kids speak about Spanish in English, that's how it registered in her brain, as if the concept of translating from German to Spanish doesn't even exist? Makes me wonder, for sure. Perhaps some highly educated linguists out there want to chime in (assuming they are anywhere near this little blog o mine!)??

Either way, the fact that Kaya has dipped into a curiosity for Spanish makes this trilingual mama very happy. Maybe we'll start planning that Ecuador trip for next year, after all!

And to top off my excitement, as I was lying in bed with her last night, having just sung our 3 bedtime songs, I looked at her, stroked the side of her face and said, "Ich hab dich sooo lieb, Boo Bear..." [I love you sooo much, Boo Bear]. She looked me straight in the eyes, smiled the sweetest smile I think I've EVER seen, and said, ever so gently, "Danke." [Thank you.]

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As I was editing my post, and attempting to ignore what I thought, for sure, was a mouse (I found one in the oven drawer a few weeks ago!), Kaya comes walking into the office, speaking ever so calmly and quietly: "Mama, ich habe in mein Bett gepullert. Es ist nass." [Mama, I peed in my bed. It's wet." We head back to her room, and I realize that she's wearing a completely different pair of pajamas than the one Estella had her in before bed. I look in her laundry basket and notice the wet pair. Is this what we get now, as we finally exit the 3 1/2 year old stage and move closer to 4?! Whatever it is, it's truly wonderful, and I can't believe that our daughter just calmly cleaned herself up after an accident without even coming to tell me until she'd taken care of it all by herself. Crazy awesome.

The Secret's Out!

I've been wondering when this moment would come. I read about this phenomenon a few years back in the middle of my big research phase, and two days ago, on the way to soak at the Kennedy School, she muttered the statement that let me know that the moment has finally arrived.

I was sitting in the front seat, and she, in her car seat in the back. She had been telling me about how she'd bitten her tongue, but that that probably wasn't the reason her tongue was hurting. We were talking about why, in fact, her tongue might be hurting, at which point she said, "Meine Zunge tut mir Weh, wenn ich 'coughe'...". [My tongue hurts when I cough.] After I heard this cute word that she so naturally created in Denglish (in German, the way to form a word in the first person is generally by adding in -e), I turned around and looked at her, smiling. Often, I struggle to understand what she's saying when she throws in a German word...but the fact that she 'Germanized' it made quite a difference. Definitely worth a smile. Within a couple of seconds, however, she was uttering her all-too-common gutteral honk. For those of you who have never heard this sound, you are lucky--and any curiosity that you might feel about its truly unpleasant sound can be replaced with the relief that you've never heard it. To those of you, however, who know the sound to which I am referring, either by your own child or by ours, you can imagine the frustration on Kaya's part that accompanied this utterance while attempting to communicate her message.

"Es ist OK, Kaya, ich verstehe--'wenn du hustest', oder?" [It's OK, I understand--'when you cough'", right?] I replied, attempting to soothe her. "Jaaaa," [Yeah] she said, relieved, and once again sitting normally in her seat after having crumpled her body with the honk. "Baby, ich weiss, manchmal ist es schwer, weil du manchmal nicht weisst, wie man 'was auf Englisch oder auf Deutsch sagt. Und das ist OK." [Baby, I know, sometimes it's hard because you don't know how to say something in English or in German. And that's OK.] And then it came. I tried to keep my jaw shut as I heard it. "Ja, aber du sichst Englisch..."  [Yeah, but you speak English... (pronounced just like that, without the -pr- after the -s-)]. Just like they said it would happen--around this age (nearly 4) or a bit later--she's finally processed (or maybe just now vocalizing) that I can speak English, too...but don't with her: "Ja, das stimmt," [Yeah, that's right...] I added, incredibly curious about where this was going. "Warum sichst du dann Deutsch mit mir, wenn ich Engrisch seche?" [Then why do you speak German with me when I speak English?] And I thought all those little moments when I'd responded in German lately (after she'd addressed a question or comment to Geoff in English) had gone unnoticed. Wrong. Not with our observant little Kaya. She had noticed it all, and was now calling me out in her confusion. I was tempted to slap myself with a proverbial wet noodle, and grow annoyed that I had broken my rule of only responding to her when she'd said something in German--even if it was clearly a question or statement that was or could be my 'domain'. But, instead, I breathed in some acceptance, and then told her, in German of course, that I wanted her to know German, and thus, I need to speak German with her if I want her to have that ability (clearly, there's enough fodder in this response for another blog post!).

Since the vocalization of her big realization, nothing has really changed in her tendency to speak German with me. She doesn't seem to be looking for loopholes, for example, or trying to work it so she can speak the language that clearly comes easier for her. So that's good. I have noticed, however, that her code-switching has increased quite a bit lately, after what I assume is a green light from me and my tendency to do so. It's AMAZing to me how few repetitions it really takes on my part for her to start and continue to throw in English words in the middle of her German sentences. Yesterday, for example, as we were crossing the street downtown, she did this very thing as we were talking about something that she didn't know the German word for. As if it belonged in the sentence, in this very way, she threw it in, without skipping a beat (I knew I should have written it down!).  Just now, at dinner, however, I captured a pretty good example: "Mama, kannst du mein chicken schneiden?" [Mama, can you cut my chicken?] This example is a bit diluted, only because right before she asked me that, she used the word "Huehner" in place of the English word 'chicken', but switched to the English word when I didn't respond--though I'm not exactly sure why [Huehner means chicken, but it is the plural form, and a word that is used less often in this situation.]. But all in all, the way that she's using these words allow them to fit right in, grammatically, with the sentence she is saying--just in the opposite language.

It seems to me that this tendency is pretty normal among bilingual kids. I recall hearing this habit from many kids who were in the German playgroup with us, as well as from our neighbors. I've actually been surprised that Kaya hasn't been doing it up until recently (well, at least once she finally started speaking solely German with me), and it makes me wonder if a lot of it has to do with the fact that I've been avoiding it like the plague (and thus causing me excess stress in those moments when one or the other of us can't seem to figure out which word to use). Whereas I used to think that one way was better, and only strive for the other, I now wonder: What is it worth? Is code-switching, or whatever these kids are doing when the 'right' word isn't available, bad, or is it just a normal part of bi- and multilingualism, and it, like everything else, could be left to just exist as opposed to being judged?

As with every other post I share, I would love to hear your comments. Support from my readers keeps me inspired, and writing, and the idea that we, as bloggers, mothers, parents, family, friends, and other interested individuals, are connected from around the world is pretty spectacular.

Or maybe...it just IS. =)


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Estella reminded me that, yesterday morning, as they were sitting together, wrapping various parts of Kaya's toy birthday cake (her favorite game to play, of late--wrapping AND birthday), Kaya invented yet another word: einwrappen. An ingenious mix of the English word, 'wrap', and the German word, 'einpacken' with the same meaning.