Effortless Inspiration and Peace

All of a sudden, my dream has come true: I get to stand up in front of possibly thousands of people and make a difference for both the planet and for those who depend upon its health for survival.

How. Cool. !!
And. Really. Scary.

I haven't always dreamed of public speaking, and though I'm jumping on the opportunity, I'm clearly not free of nervousness around the idea. As many of you know, I'm a language teacher. I'm a stay-at-home mom, a part time tutor, a small business owner. I'm far from a politician, nor someone who has ever felt at ease speaking in front of a room of adults. In fact, the one time that I taught a Spanish class to adults (only 4 of them!), I was SO nervous, focused more on what they might be thinking of me as a teacher than on what I was actually wanting them to learn.

Things have changed a good bit recently, however, and now, all of a sudden, I can't seem to pass up the opportunity to stand on the stage and speak my peace. Initially, when my co-program coordinator proposed the idea, I rejected it immediately, asking rhetorically how I'd ever succeed in overseeing the biggest event I've ever coordinated, while simultaneously dealing with my nervousness surrounding public speaking. A few days later, however, I realized that I'd been wishing for this opportunity all along--now that it was being served up to me, the last thing I need to be doing is turning it down.

So here I sit now, wondering what the heck I'm going to say to all these people in hopes of making a difference somehow.

It's not like I'm telling myself that this is my ONE opportunity to make a name for myself in climate change or anything. And that if I screw it up, I may as well plan on just teaching German for the rest of my life in some hole somewhere. Nope. Definitely not telling myself that.

No pressure or anything.

The moment I found out about this opportunity, I called one of my leadership teachers to share the exciting news. "Wow," she said. "What are you going to say?!" The words rolled off my tongue, and even I was impressed with what came out of my mouth. The same thing happened a few days later while talking with my coach, as well as with the emcee of our event. "I'm so inspired right now, just listening to you tell me your story on the phone," she told me.

So, what the hell is it about the idea of thousands of people that has me completely stopped in moving forward with this speech? Why can't I just sit down and peck out the same thoughts I shared with that one person on the other end of the line, as if it's just one of them?

Totally obvious question, I know. I don't really run in circles with people who feel fearless in front of thousands (or do you?! Is there something I don't know about my audience?!). The true question, however, is this: how can I wrap my mind around the idea that the audience, if I choose to perceive them that way, can be JUST like my coach or my teacher or that compassionate emcee?

Well, it just hit me that all three of those individuals in my life, not to mention many others (thank you, thank you!) will be at this event next Saturday. In fact, if PBS actually comes (as they said they will!) and stays for more than just the senator's speech, then more of you might be my audience than I can even imagine right now! Crazy. Which brings me back to what I'm slowly realizing in this writing process: it's not about the audience, but really about my perception of them, and of myself, that will allow me to feel empowered and excited about both writing and delivering this speech.

And it couldn't hurt to envision the possibility of effortless inspiration and peace.
Thank you, Johanna. What great advice.

So now, now I can get to the heart of the matter. What am I going to say to this one person standing in front of me, in hopes of inspiring action around stopping climate change and creating a more livable future for us all?!

Thank you for being my audience for my pre-speech process. I know this post doesn't really have all that much to do with to our bilingual parenting process, which has always been my intention for writing this blog. But in thinking about the indirect connection, I can say this: because Kaya continues to speak only German with me--and even carry on in German with Geoff sometimes when she's upset!--I have SO much energy now to put towards speech writing and coordinating events in what I hope will one day be my new career! =)

Tierbrot Communications

The past week or so, I've been using these plastic animal cookie cutter things to add more smiles to Kaya's sandwiches. Not knowing exactly what I'd even call one of these creations in English, I created the word "Tierbrot", [animal bread] clearly using my most advanced skills of the German language. Honestly, the name doesn't really matter so much (as fun as it is to hear Kaya say), except in regards to the following story about an interaction that took place the other night between Kaya, myself, and Geoff.

We were in the kitchen, soon after Geoff got home from work. Kaya was hungry, and Mama was eager to quell her whiny requests with some food. "Ich will ein Tierbrot," [I want an animal bread] Kaya told me, emphatically. Clearly, I was not going to have any luck convincing her that cucumber might be a better choice. "Tierbrot," she began to insist, in her typical two-and-a-half-year-old way. Sometimes, you just gotta pick your battles--so despite my concerns of "spoiling her dinner" (who the hell coined that phrase, anyway?!), I relented with the Tierbrot and started going through the manufacturing process.

"Welches Tier willst du?" I asked her. [Which animal do you want?]. "Bring mir eins." [Bring me one.]

She excitedly scurried over to her bucket of shapes, carefully picking out the dinosaur. "Ich will dieses," she told me, with confidence. [I want this one.]

So, choosing to avoid the toasting step this time (which apparently lowers the health factor of multi-grain bread!), I throw a piece of bread on the cutting board and line up the dinosaur inside the edges of the bread. It's clearly a fine science, this Tierbrot process.

While I'm busying myself with this arduous task, I hear Kaya behind me sharing her excitement with Geoff. "Mama's making me a...Tierbrot!"

And that's when it hit me. After all these articles about the benefits of bilingualism, I realized that, before my very eyes, I was tuning in to one of the skills that Kaya is mastering by growing up with two primary languages.  By explaining to Geoff in English what was happening with her snack, she was reminding me of this insight that she has regarding others' awareness of comprehension. In other words, it has become a part of Kaya's brain that she needs to make sure that Geoff understands what is happening when she and I are communicating. If we take out the second language here, and put her in a different situation where everyone is communicating in one language, her brain will still function like that--she will still be aware that others may not understand what is going on, and she will attempt to explain it to them so that they can be included and thus, interact with her.

It's fascinating, really.
Maybe only to this part-time stay-at-home-mom-language teacher.

And maybe only because I was giddy that evening, (and this one, too!) excited to have just gotten our Oregon senator to speak at our upcoming climate change event.

Whatever the reason, she's doin' it, and I'm ecstatic! I bet your bi- and multilingual kids are, too, whether it's obvious or not, as the benefits of our bilingual journeys lurk around every corner.

Two Primary Languages & One Fragile Planet

This post was written for the Blogging Carnival on Bilingualism, hosted this month by Tyeisha at Tongue Tales. Should you be new to the carnival idea, it is a way for those of us who are passionate about 'lingualism' to connect with and learn from others who are similarly eager to build community. For more information, or to participate in future carnivals yourself, check out Bilingue per Gioco.

I'm stuck.

6 weeks without writing.
More than a million things I could say.
And I can't seem to peck out the perfect opener.
  
Is this what writer's block looks like? After years of denying myself as a writer, I guess there was no room for this. Now that I can finally accept and label myself as such, here it is. Or maybe not? Maybe if I really had the block, you'd see nothing from me at all for another 6 weeks...

Whatever you call it, I'm glad to be back. As strange as it may sound, I've missed you, my little blogging community. I really have. And in a certain way, I feel a bit sad that I let so much time go by without making the effort to connect.


I bet there are some of you out there, reading this now, thinking that you aren't a part of that community of mine--thinking to yourselves that I must have some dedicated group of readers that I'm addressing, of which you aren't a part. Well, alas my doubting reader, I see you, too, as part of this important community in my life...if you are here, you're a part. I mean, assuming you're open to the invitation...!

I'm tempted to dive into reasons for my absence...after a sweet comment from a fellow blogger 'friend', I was reminded that many of you out there have no idea what's up over here...and actually might be wondering.

As much as I do love writing, I've finally been able to wrap my soul around another one of my passions and it's taken up nearly all of my extra time over the past few months. You may have heard, from me or otherwise, about an event called Moving Planet, sponsored by an organization called 350.org. Essentially, Moving Planet is a global event aimed at demanding action around stopping climate change. In hundreds of locales, all over the world, people are organizing events that, this year, focus on moving away from from a carbon-based, fossil-fuel-based society and moving toward a more energy-efficient and sustainable future. In line with the goals of 350.org and the worldwide Moving Planet event, our aim is to inspire attendees to call upon political leaders, their communities, and themselves to move toward a sustainable way of life. We will take real action on issues of the environment, climate justice, transit equity, and cleaner transportation.

About a month ago, I became Event Coordinator for the event here which we're calling Moving Planet Portland: A Climate Action Fest. For me, as passionate as I've been about the outdoors and the earth, this whole business of being in charge of a huge event, is really new--and in moments, I have to admit, a bit overwhelming. All in all, however, I feel completely excited about the whole thing--not just the event and the possibilities it holds for creating change, but also the opportunities that my participation has given me to create a place for myself in this climate change community.

I could go on and on...but I'm nearing my deadline for this little Carnival, and I know there's many of you out there who might enjoy a story or two, and perhaps even a video, of the latest with Kaya. So, until I create another opportunity to rave about my excitement for this event, including drawing a more clear connection between my passion for this and my dedication to my daughter and her future, I'll leave you with one more video on the subject that, if I had to choose, is clearly the most motivating video out there (in regards to taking action around this issue)...

OK, OK. Now to the meat and general focus of this here blog: Our little Kaya.

Sometimes I forget about this daydream that I used to have when Kaya was a baby. I'd get so excited at the idea of having a little kid--one who'd be using a little-kid voice and little-kid concepts and little-kid words--all in my non-native language. I used to yearn for the opportunity to be around and listen to young native speakers, hoping for every opportunity to learn some new word, some new phrase, or simply analyze their language and learning process. The idea of having my own one of those--it lit me up, for sure. And after such a long phase of wondering, of doubting, whether it would really happen...it finally did. And my dream continues to be alive as our daughter speaks German with me and English with everyone else.

As you may recall, if you read any of my posts about that process, I wasn't sure it would stick. Granted, I wasn't living in fear around it anymore, once she finally started differentiating, but I also wasn't living in complete confidence that, nearly 2 months down the road, I'd actually use the term bilingual to describe our daughter at two and a half.

As normal as it has become for her to use both languages, I still beam and have this incredible peace around knowing that we stuck it out, and made it through, and we now are parents to a child with two primary languages. And from that place, I find I'm still so eager to share some of the memorable things that she says and does.

The other day, for example, while Kaya and I were hanging out with Kate (a woman who Kaya had yet to meet), Kate noticed that I was speaking in German to Kaya. "Is that German?" she asked me. After I affirmed her question, she began to tell me, in German, how she'd learned it many years back, having lived in Austria for a while. After hearing Kate speak, Kaya immediately turned towards me with this excited look on her face: "Sie spricht Deutsch, Mama!" [She speaks German, Mama!] It was clear to me that she was not only surprised to hear it from someone else, but was clearly aware that it's generally a language, in her life thus far, saved for her and mama to use between themselves.

Commenting on the bilingualism, a woman said to me the other day that it must be pretty normal for Kaya to mix her languages. "Actually," I told her, "she doesn't really mix, surprisingly. She's very clear about keeping the two very separate. With me, it's German. With Daddy, it's English." Often, she'll even translate for us, saying one statement in German to me, and the exact same one in English, to Geoff--as if she's clear that we each only understand that respective language from her mouth. The only exception is when she's really angry and upset--she will often yell at me in English, and will have none of it when I remind her that she's speaking in English and that I don't understand her when she is.


A few weeks ago, after I'd just brushed her hair and was putting away the brush, she was laughing hysterically at saying 'tschuess' [goodbye] to various things that she'd identify around the breakfast table. As fun as it is to hear her say goodbye to all of these random objects in German, I love the laughter the most...and how she just turns off like a light when she's done...

Buerste = brush 
Buch = book
Cheerios = yup, you guessed it...
Flasche = bottle
Wasser = water
das Essen = the food
Foto = picture 
Schwein = pig
Affe = monkey
Becher = cup




About three weeks ago, as we were hanging out in her room, I noticed the phone off the hook on her Nanaphone. Excited to see that she might have been using it on her own, I asked her if she had "mit Nana gesprochen." [spoken with Nana]. "Ja," she replied, quite matter of fact, oblivious to the fact that her Nana passed away last summer. "Was hat sie dir gesagt?" [What did she say to you?] I asked her, growing ever more curious with every passing response. "Nana hat auf Englisch in mein Ohr gesprochen," [Nana spoke in English in my ear] she told me, demonstrating, to me at least, that she's quite clear about who speaks German and who doesn't.

And the last story of the evening, before I lose you to this lengthy post of return (writer's block is clearly gone!)...we were in the park a few weeks ago when a man on a nearby blanket asked her, in English, how old she is. "Two and a half," she responded, flooring me with her awareness of the extra half. When I asked her later what she'd said to him, she struggled to fill me in on the half part--clearly a new word for her in German.

At this point, my analytical subjective assessment would be that her English is still ahead of her German in regards to vocabulary and complication of sentences that she chooses to use. But the progress that she's made in just two months of German immersion with me has been astounding, and I expect her German to continue to flourish in the next year that we're still home together.

Thanks, blogging community, for who you are and what you do and stand for. For me, you've been a rock in times when I only wanted to give up. Because of you, I was able to push beyond those moments of overwhelm and believe that the persistence would be worth it.

"I'm trying to get the words out..."

Despite my initial doubts, it turned out to be another wonderful weekend at the cabin. The sun did its part to light up our world, and the starry heavens glistened from above, leaving their mark above the light of the fire. Summer has finally arrived around here, and the clear skies make everything brighter.

Including Kaya's German!

In the past, when we've gone away with family and friends, I've found that Kaya will increase her frequency of English with me, simultaneously decreasing the amount of German she speaks. This weekend, however, the mix of English-speaking family members with her German-speaking Mama seemed to do nothing other than solidify the fact that she now lives in different languages with different people. Over the course of the weekend, of all of the interactions that she and I had with each other, there were only two occasions that she spoke to me in English--and immediately following both of those utterances, she immediately corrected herself by switching to German.

It continues to amaze me that, after just a few weeks of patience and persistence, our whole world has changed. I feel excited again, and hopeful about our future with this bilingual journey. This afternoon, I realized that I now have a whole different outlook on what school/s we might choose. October (and our trip to Germany) is no longer a goal, but an excitement, which I know will simply solidify the current trend. And most importantly for this moment, now that our daughter is speaking only German with me (and English with others), I'm inspired to share more of the memorable moments of our bilingual process.

Last night was the cherry, for sure. As Geoff was leaving the Blues Festival with Kaya, she was attempting to tell him, in English, what she'd just seen on the street:

"There's a.....a.......a......there's a......a.....(add a 10-15 sec. pause here)..."

Distracted by the airplane flying above, she looks up and says, "Airplane," to which Geoff responds, "Yup, there's an airplane." Clearly attempting to communicate something different, she continues with her attempt to narrow down the term:

"There's a.........I'm trying to get the words out..........Mama calls it 'Polizei'.
"Oh! Police!" Geoff responds, floored by the whole interaction.
"Yeah," Kaya continues, recognizing that her observation was now in the past. "Kaya saw a green police car."

Like Geoff, I was ueber-impressed when I heard this story. Kaya has been searching for terms in this way for a month or so now--but up until this conversation, had only been searching for terms in German, not in English, as she was in this conversation. I'm SO excited that she's finally reached a point where her vocabulary, at least in some areas of her life, is more expansive in German than it is in English. I also love how she uses these seemingly 'adult expressions' to fill us in on her process: "I'm trying to get the words out..." It makes it so clear that they are little human processors at this age now, and no longer little babies, simply trying to make sense of the stimuli around them.

In addition to our little processor, we've got quite the sweet snuggler. This morning, during our daily 'Kuschelzeit' [snuggle time] in bed, Kaya had turned herself towards me and was looking into my eyes. Her head was on my pillow, mere inches from my face. She had her hand a bit outstretched, and as if she was going to touch my shoulder. Before going any further, however, she asks me, in her sweetest little Kaya voice, "Kann ich dir Liebe geben, Mama?" [Can I give you love, Mama?] Long ago, while rocking in our rocker together, Kaya asked me what I was doing while I was stroking her face. Not exactly sure of how a native would answer that question, I took a stab and told her, "Ich gebe dir Liebe." [I'm giving you love.] It's become the phrase, and regardless of how awkward it may sound to native (I've yet to check...), it works for us, and still melts my heart whenever she asks.

Later, as we were on a jog through the park, I was getting a drink from the water fountain. After I'd finished, she looked up and asked me, in a voice nearly as sweet as the one she used in bed, "Kann ich auch Wasser haben?" [Can I have water, too?] There have been a number of times over the past week where she's been using English phrasing while speaking German, despite her accuracy with this sentence. As we would ask it in English, "Can I have water, too?", the modal verb, 'can', comes immediately before the infinitive of the main verb, 'have'. In German, however, the two get separated, with the modal verb (or helping verb) preceding the subject (in questions), and the main verb coming at the end of the sentence, after everything else has been said: "Can I too water have?" I find myself assuming that children who speak German monolingually, or those with native-German-speaking parents, also make these mistakes, similar to English-speaking children making the grammar mistakes that they make as they attempt to sort through the rules in their heads. I've yet to ask around or do too much digging--if you have any input on this, I would love it hear it.

Though she continues to confuse her grammar between the two languages, I'm impressed with Kaya's awareness of the separateness of the two. A few cabin stories from this weekend can help to illustrate this assumption on my part.

On Saturday morning, I snuggled up with Kaya in the bean bag chair on the back deck. I offered two books in front of her, and she chose the one in English about a French, masquerading dog. Quite the complicated story (in comparison to See Spot Run), I found plenty of challenge in my attempt at translation on the fly. Despite my doubts, she went for it, and I was able to pull it off well enough for both of us to enjoy the story. Part way through the book, however, we were interrupted, and decided we'd take a break for a while. During this break, her Tante Jules [Aunt Julie] came outside and began to talk with her about the book we'd just read--which just so happened to be the same book that she'd read to Kaya in English during our last cabin trip. Kaya seemed to have remembered that, and she let Julie know that, "Mama tells me this book in German."

Later that afternoon, while Geoff was cutting vegetables with Kaya, he was playing around with the word 'broccoli', pronouncing it in syllabic chunks with more of a German pronunciation than an English one (broh-ko-lee). Upon hearing his word play, Kaya let him know that, "that's how you say it in German."

And earlier that day, I was told about the following anecdote that took place between Kaya and her grandparents a few days earlier at their house. The details are a bit foggy, since it comes secondhand, but what I recall is that there was discussion happening about Kaya's poopy diaper--Gramm's might have mentioned the fact that it was poopy and that it needed to be changed. Grampa, the jokester that he is, chimed in, too, letting Kaya know that, "Some people call it poop, but we say poopsi-doodle around here." Kaya had some input on the topic as well, and made sure that they knew that "Mama says Ah-ah" [poop]. 

I think Grampa was on the right track with his 'poopsidoodle', because I'm quickly tiring of the term 'amazed' and 'impressed'. 'Happy' and 'excited' are nearing their time, too. Maybe it's time for new adjectives in this English language of ours. Maybe the time has come for me to share about how excitarambibambled I am about Kaya's new tendency, and how amazarific it is that I finally get to exist in the same language as my daughter.

My Kraut has Come!

This post was written for the Blogging Carnival on Bilingualism, hosted this month by Natasha Goncharova of Bilingual Russian. Should you be new to the carnival idea, it is a way for those of us who are passionate about 'lingualism' to connect with and learn from others who are similarly eager to build community. For more information, or to participate in future carnivals yourself, check out Bilingue per Gioco.

It's crazy. For probably 4 months now, it seems like I've been blogging about my frustration with my own German--how uncomfortable I feel with it; how good it isn't; and how I simply don't want to live in this language if my daughter won't be living in it with me. All of a sudden, however, over the past two weeks, the focus has finally shifted to Kaya's output, and my German has taken a backseat for this wonderful little ride.

Thank the good spirit of the universe.
It's about time that I quit complaining and feeling like a victim of my own creation.

Two weeks ago today, I started a new method with Kaya, which I will now refer to as perseverance (thank you 'Germanintheafternoon' for that great piece of advice). My previous term, insistence, left me with such a dictatorial feeling--perseverance, on the other hand, leaves me in a much more inspired position, instilling confidence and contentment like never before.

Up until two weeks ago, Kaya had been phasing out her German with me over a period of about 2 months--initially speaking between 40-80% German with me, until ultimately speaking nearly none. When I switched both my method and my attitude, expecting only German from her and guiding her through the process to make it happen, she began to speak more and more German with me, to the point that she's at today. I now accept only German from her, and she gives it to me about 95% of the time. How's that for mathematical analysis from a language major!?

It's amazing to me, and incredibly exciting!!, that over a period of two weeks, we were able to change what had become our habit, and ultimately, my negative outlook on the whole endeavor. How wonderful it is to finally be communicating in the same language as my daughter!

Should you be new to this blog, or perhaps just this development of ours, I encourage you to check out the past few weeks of our blog, starting with our first day of 'Insistence'. In that handful of posts, I've laid out, nearly day by day, the successes and challenges of the whole process, ending with a celebration of "It's working! It's working!".

For this post, however, I really want to be in the moment, and live in this excitement of mine that my Kraut has finally come! (I told you it would!)I know there are many of you out there who know how I've struggled with it for the past long time. I know there are others of you who have struggled with the same thing yourself, and may be wondering if this is possible for your relationship, too. I'm clearly no expert, and my perspective is that every child and every situation is different. At the same time, we're all endowed with a human brain, and for the most part, it tends to find the easiest way through a situation, and do whatever is necessary to be able to follow that route. Until two weeks ago, Kaya had no real need to be able to speak German. Understand, yes. Speak it, no. She was doing just fine speaking English to everyone, including me, and had only to develop the ability to understand everything I said so that she could get her needs met. We had fallen into this pattern where she'd say whatever she'd say in English, and I, in hopes of encouraging her to speak German, would then ask her, in German, if what she'd meant was thus and such. She'd answer, "yeah", and we'd move on from there--her getting her needs met, and me growing ever more frustrated with every passing week of less and less German spoken.

Though it was exceptionally trying at times, especially for Kaya who was used to being able to speak English and move on, she ultimately learned that she wouldn't get what she wanted if she didn't speak to me in German. Initially, it was a challenge for me to know what she knew how to say and what she didn't. There were a few buzz words that I knew she knew, like Hund, Affe, Essen, Wasser, [dog, monkey, food/eat, water] etc. But sometimes, it was really hard for me to know how long I should wait for her to produce the German without feeding it to her, as I'd been doing for months. Over the course of the week, however, it became clear to me when she was frustrated because she didn't want to switch, and when the frustration was from the challenge of formulation. At this point, the frustration is almost non-existent (with the exception of her most tired moments). Instead, she either speaks to me outright in German, or will switch immediately if I either don't respond right away, or ask her politely what she said (Bitte? Wie war das?). Often, now that her comfort level is improving, she'll begin to ask a question or make a statement and will pause in the middle of it while she figures out what comes next. Generally, I'll give her a few seconds to try it herself, and then, like with anything else, I'll coach her through the process before she gets to that point of frustration or giving up.  At that point, I'll say the German and ask her if that's what she means, and then will encourage her to say it herself if she hasn't done it on her own already (as she often will). Sometimes, as she did the other night while some friends were over, she will begin a sentence in German and then start to end it in English, catching herself in the middle to switch:

"Wo ist Johanna goi--geht?" [Where is Johanna goi--going?]

As you may know of German, in order to form a gerund (the -ing form of a verb), you simply use the regular present tense verb (goes), without a helping verb from 'to be' ("is" going). 'Geht', in other words, means "goes, is going, and does go". That grammar difference definitely catches Kaya at times...it's pretty cute to watch her wheels spin when she speaks German from an English vantage.

That same night, at our BBQ, Kaya was lying in my arms, hours past her bed time. She snuggled in close so I could hear her say, very clearly, "Ich viw schlafen." [Ich will schlafen = I want to sleep.] A two year old asking to go to sleep is quite the party-trick--I was simply excited because she told me in German!

Similarly, Kaya now tells me "nein" [no] and I love it. Not that the concept is so exciting to me, nor new to her--being two and a half, she's had that one down for a while now, and it definitely adds a challenging element to many a situation. But I can't think of a time when she's used "nein" so consistently with me. Initially, when we first started this change, she'd say "no" and I wasn't sure how to get her to switch. But, as with many other situations, I pulled in the either/or option, asking her "Ja oder nein?" [yes or no?], and she would inevitably choose the German. I think it probably took her about 5 days, but now she uses the German term consistently, clear that it's just part of the language that she speaks with Mama.

What made perhaps the biggest difference for us was when she learned the term "ich will" [I want] and "ich mag" [I like], which she often uses to talk about things while we are reading--it took about four days, but once that term became part of her working vocabulary, the German seemed to start rolling off her tongue, in longer and longer sentences.

What I've noticed about myself through all of this, is that most of my previous concerns on the subject have disappeared. Before this change, I would find myself a bit unexcited about any time that she'd be immersed in English--at her grandparents, with her dad, listening to me on the phone, etc. I felt all this pressure to expose her to only German, concerned that too much of the community language would contribute to her tendency to speak more and more of it with me, as she'd been doing. Now, however, all of those anxieties have disappeared, and I feel excited again about the simplest of activities. Granted, I have to admit that two isn't my favorite age--but I'm once again enjoying the simple games of pretend and hide-and-seek (Versteck!). We even just decided to host a young French woman for a month, which, since she'll be part of our family for the next many weeks, will naturally increase Kaya's exposure to English. But I'm nothing but excited about the whole thing. I recognize that exposing Kaya to all sorts of people, speaking all sorts of languages (or even just English!), will contribute to her understanding that there's a world full of people out there, and it's all about creating the connections and recognizing the similarities between us, despite any differences we may have in our communication.

It's working! It's working!

It's hard to know where to start, really.
I see success everywhere, and all I want to do is share.

In the past, as you may know, I've been uninspired to write about much of the English that Kaya has been producing. It's hard to be inspired when the overwhelming emotion is sadness and confusion, often masked by frustration and overwhelm. With all the German she's speaking again, though, through the success of this little 'insistence experiment', I'm feeling in love all over again, with both her AND nearly everything that comes out of her mouth.

Here's a snippet of a conversation that I heard this morning while she was changing Frieda's diaper (Frieda being her babydoll):

Kaya: ah yu wet?
Baby: ---
Kaya: yeah? OK. Ah you sure?
Baby: ---
Kaya: OK. (runs off to get a diaper for her baby...)

And this morning, on our bike ride home after from visiting Dada at work, Kaya was 'singing' Old MacDonald in her trailer. She's been doing this for about a month, and as much as I hate to admit it, I've been hung up on the fact that she's been singing an English song instead of a German one. This morning, however, I was able to fully appreciate it for how cute it really is that she talks her way through this song, adding different animals and the sounds that they make to the various verses that she 'sings'. The video that I captured below is not only typical of how she sings it, but also of how, over the past day or two, she tends to switch almost immediately from English to German with just one simple response from me, without growing frustrated.

In the video, you will hear me chime in at one point, asking her, "Was macht der 'pig', das Schwein?" [What does the pig say?], at which point, she resumes the song, adding "oink, oink..." Towards the end, when it hits her that she would rather be watching the video than being filmed, she initially speaks English, but then switches, as I mentioned, to requesting to see "das Foto" [the picture] in German.




Something has definitely clicked for her over the past few days. As Gramms says, you can clearly see the wheels turning. There have been many times over the past two days where she will start speaking to me in German (as opposed to switching after starting in English), as she used to do about 4-6 weeks ago. Sunday morning, for example, as I was lying in my bed and she in hers, she called out, "Mamaaaaa," at which point, I responded, "Morgen, Baby. Ich bin wach. Ich bin in meinem Bett, und du bist in deinem." [Morning, baby. I'm awake. I'm in my bed and you're in yours.] After a few seconds, she began to ask me if I was awake, but cut herself off in the middle of asking: "Mama, are you awa--" Then, she began to babble to herself for a few minutes, reciting the alphabet (in English) and playing with her toys. After about 2 minutes, she let me know in German that she wanted "aus dem Bett." [out of bed]

This morning, as well, her first words for me were in German, letting me know that she'd drunk all her milk: "Es ist leer, Mama." [It's empty, Mama]

For the most part, the German that she's speaking is basic, often just a word or a short phrase. It's clear to me that she's formulating once I ask her what she's said, or told her that I don't understand. Until today, she wouldn't switch languages without a number of attempts on my part to get her to switch (What did you say? I don't understand you. Excuse me? I only understand German from you.) Today, however, she only needed one, if even that, to switch. As I was riding my bike this morning, and she was repeating, "I don't want that water," I realized that, initially, it felt really mean to me to 'ignore' her when she was speaking English. That's because that's all she would speak to me, so I would be ignoring her all of the time. Now, however, if I don't respond immediately, she seems to be processing a message that the language she's using isn't getting her want she wants or needs--so she'll switch to see if that works better. And it does. I'm even going out of my way to respond faster to her when she's speaking German, and even offering allowances that I normally wouldn't. Tonight, for example, she let Geoff know that she wanted me to come into her room. When I went in there, she immediately told me that she wanted to "kuscheln" [snuggle], and though we normally leave her in her bed once we've put her to sleep, I picked her up immediately when I heard that, and let her snuggle with me until she let me know that she was ready to go back "ins Bett" [in bed].

As well as the simplicity of her German that I've noticed over the past few days, I've also noticed that she's confused about a few grammar concepts that she has nailed in English. After I laid her in bed for the first time tonight, she told me that she wanted me to "schaukeln" [rock]. After I rocked for a while, I stood up, and went to her bed to kiss her goodnight. "Ah you going, Mama?" she asked me. I was surprised at the clarity of her question, and about how calmly she was asking. "Wie bitte," [What was that?] I asked her, expecting a quick switch on her part. "Ah you going, Mammi?" she repeated in English. "Bitte?" I asked her, again, confident she'd switch this time 'round. She paused, as she often does lately, formulating her new question. This pause seemed a little longer than most, and she followed it up with a grammatical statement in the first person as opposed to a question in the second: "Ich gehe?" [I go?] She similarly struggled this afternoon with the 'yours-mine' concept, when she was telling me whose swing was whose today on the playground. Despite my experience as a language teacher, I still struggle with how to 'teach' this concept. It's a hard one. I don't expect her to get it easily (and was surprised when she got it so quickly in English about a month or two ago).

I'm confident we'll start seeing longer, more grammatically correct sentences soon, though. This afternoon, right before I recorded the Old MacDonald video, Kaya was eager to switch water bottles with me. I had the fun one, with the easy-to-suck straw. She had the metal one with the hard-to-open lid. She'd been repeating herself about 8-10 times while we were riding, until I finally pulled over and let her know that I could hear her but didn't understand her. At this point, she switched to German and produced a sentence that put quite a smile on my face: "Ich will dat Water. Ich will...ich moechte...dieses Wasser....haben." [I want that water. I want...I would like to have that water.]

And my last point for the evening, before I hit my birthday at midnight (what a gift this week has been for me!!)...Kaya is conceptualizing all of this so much sooner than I've read that she would. I read that, in general, kids are aware of people speaking different languages at about 3.5--the same age that they generally stop mixing. Kaya is beginning to label the languages now. While we were playing at the park, and after she had just spoken English with me, Kaya said, smiling, "Das ist English...Das ist Mamasprache." [That's English. That's Mama-language.] I set her straight, reminding her that 'Mamasprache ist Deutsch. English ist Dadasprache." [Mama-language is German. English is Dada-language.] This afternoon, however, while we were folding laundry, she got the terms right, saying, again with a smile on her face, "Das ist Deutsch. Das ist Mamasprache." [That's German. That's mama-language.]

That's right. It sure is.
It feels really good to be proud of that, again!

Fueling the Fire of Change

Wow, check out this crazy stunt, writing 3 days in a row.
Maybe I should send my husband to Vegas more often...

There's so much change taking place on a daily basis, it's hard for me to avoid sitting down to lay it all out for the Kaya die-hards. I know you're out there. AND...I know that one day, while I sit blissfully in the sun, floating on my favorite lake in the German Alps (Eibsee!), listening to my daughter ramble on in her Krauty-way, I will want to go back and read how it all started, read about the days full of 'sucky' moments, full of strife between me and my two year old while I 'gently' remind her that I don't understand.

Gently.
Maybe if I say this enough it will serve as a gentle reminder to myself to follow my own implicit advice.

It's not as bad as I'm implying it to be, really.
In all actuality, despite the frustrating moments that we experienced today with our choppy and awkward communication, I'm seeing major 'progress', which continues to provide the fuel to make it to our next moment of success.

Here are the best of the best...

This morning, I was invited by one of my German-speaking friends to have coffee with her and a native German colleague that she recently met in the lunch room at work. Admittedly, I had my concerns about bringing Kaya into a coffee shop at 9am, especially after the challenges we had in leaving the house (typical these days whenever we're trying to get anywhere on time). But the whole experience was awesome! My friend loves Kaya, and the feeling seems mutual, so as they sat blissfully in the corner, reading books and playing in German, I got to interact in German with an adult! I think what I loved the most was that this German woman was so willing to share her feelings with me, to the point that she got teary-eyed as she was telling me about her ex-boyfriend in China. My experience of many Germans has been that it takes them a while (many months?) to open up and share their most meaningful feelings. It was SO great to experientially branch out of that stereotype. I also loved that Kaya was surrounded by German, and though she still needed a bit of reminding at times that I am only understanding German from her, I'm confident that it made a difference in how much German she was speaking. When she saw the strawberries on top of the granola, for example, she let me know that she wanted some by saying "Erdbeeren" [strawberries]! I took her face and nearly smothered it with kisses, I was so excited! Despite the progress, it can still take her 6-7 repetitions in English before she'll switch to German. The fact that she spit it out the first time...SO huge right now. My friend said, too, that with her, she was speaking a lot of German, as well.

Ja, wohl!!

Later in the afternoon, I decided to take Kaya to the library for our favorite performer, Mr. Ben. As much fun as that was (it really was! He rocks!), I had even more fun with Kaya once the show was over and we headed to the children's section. Last week, I decided that I like reading English books to Kaya that I can translate on the fly. Initially, I was being really hard-core about only reading "Mama-Buecher" [Mama books] and Dada-books. I've since backed off, however, realizing that we have such greater variety if I leave myself open to the option--and since she can't read right now anyway, I don't think it makes much difference (please feel free to chime in, anyone, if you know otherwise). So, the greatest moment during our time at the library was when I was reading one of these books to Kaya and asking her to identify some of the things on the page that she saw. In the past, as I've said, I've been asking her a lot of either/or questions (which, by the way, are getting MUCH easier for me to create in our many conversations). This is to encourage her to speak German instead of saying the English which is likely on the tip of her tongue. But this time, I thought I would see how she'd respond with a direct, open-ended "Was ist das?"[What is that?] and "Was siehst du da alles?" [What all do you see there?]. I was ecstatic (would you expect any less from me at this point!?) when she responded immediately with the German, whatever it was that she was identifying. I think my excitement ended up taking so much space in my brain that there was no room left for remembering what she actually identified. But I do recall thinking it was perhaps a fluke, that if I were to ask her again, she'd answer in English. So, I tried that, too, and she continued to answer me in German, for a number of words in the book. It was as if her brain had switched over, and she was simply operating in 'Mama-speak'.

On the way home, she seemed to be in that mode, too. She was in her car seat, and had just finished the rest of her snack in her cup. All of a sudden, I heard her saying "nehmen, nehmen, nehmen!" [take, take, take], as she was handing me her cup to take from her. This was after no encouragement from me whatsoever--we'd simply been driving down the road listening to our favorite German CD right now, 'Lisa Kann schon Viele Sachen' [Lisa can already do a Lot] (it's awesome if you're interested...a good mix of talking and singing!).

It's funny. When I take a step back and look at how excited I'm getting that she's speaking one or two words in German every once in a while, it's easy for me to go to that "what the hell?!" place, where I feel embarrassed, and this desire to explain myself. I have to remind myself that it's all about the progress, about the now...not about how it was more than a month ago when this would have been a 'silly' thing for me to get excited about because she was speaking mostly German to me, at the same level as her English. Now that she's speaking fluent English, and very little German, these milestones seem massive when I allow myself to really experience it.

The last little fuel for the fire today happened while I was at the Farmer's Market this morning, where I went so we could pick up our CSA share from the local meat farm we just joined. The guy working this morning overheard me speaking German with Kaya, and chimed in, at one point, that he was really glad to hear me teaching her with that language. His mom, he told me, tried to do the same with him, but didn't follow through because his dad is American. He doesn't have much family on his dad's side, however, and after going to Korea to visit family, he realizes that the language is a big barrier. Now, he's learning Korean in college, wishing he learned it as a kid so he could have those connections with the only extended family he has. Hearing his story was my reminder of my initial motivation for this endeavor: I've read of NO children that regret that their parents spoke to them in a 2nd or 3rd language, but of plenty of children who wished their parents had followed through in raising them with more than one language.

I need this reminder during those many moments where Kaya is SO excited to tell me that she "wants ta wead wif (you) Mama", or asks me SO sweetly if we can "snuggle wif da wight on". It's in these moments where I need this reminder that this process really will pay off, and that, in the end (and perhaps even in the process), it will be a true gift for her. At this point, the way I see it, Kaya has had no reason to go through the extra effort to produce the German. It was working just fine for her to speak to me in English and have me respond to her in German. She understood everything I would say to her, and she could use one language to communicate with both of her parents. I knew that this situation is common in many households where a minority language is spoken by one or both parents, and I knew that I was hoping to avoid it. I just thought it wouldn't really start until she was older. But after experimenting with this 'insistence' as I have been for 5 days, it's clear to me that Kaya needs a reason to learn to speak. I could wait until we are in Germany, or until one day down the road when she may be there by herself on an exchange. But I want to try this, because it seems like it could be easier and more enjoyable in the long run if we put in the extra effort now.

That's generally how life works, right?
It seems like bilingualism should be no exception to the laws of the universe...



(and to all you Dad's out there, including Kaya's and my own, Happy Father's Day! I've once again succeeded in writing into the wee hours of the morning. Please, dear spirit of the dawn, help me create energy and patience with my budding toddler...!)